The Healing Mountain 

The Mountain Guide

Healing is not part of our wages; it's not a guarantee nor a reflection on God's character when he doesn't heal. Of course, we can come boldly, confidently and ask for it, but sometimes in his kindness he declines. Instead he walks with us every step of the way up the mountain rather than helicoptering us to the top. My faith is so much richer, brighter, fuller and deeper because of the journey that we've taken together.

I've felt his protection as he hid me and fought the mountain lion himself. I experienced his kindness and mercy as he said "don't step there" and I did anyway, and when I fell, he lovingly picked me up without any hint of "I told you so." I experienced his tenderness as he took off his rain jacket and sheltered me with it. I experienced his playfulness as he hid behind a boulder to spook me. I experienced his joy as he encouraged me and shouted me on when I felt I had no strength left to go on and the shared elation when we made it over the ledge. I experienced his wisdom and discernment and I grew in trust of his leadership as he said "let's shelter here tonight as we will be caught in the storm if we continue." He showed me what plants and bugs to eat when I thought we would starve. I experienced his patience as I lagged behind and he didn't hurry me on, but instead pulled out the secret picnic blanket and made us stop for tea and a snack and checked in with how i was going, assuring me I was not a burden to him, he just wanted to enjoy my company.  I saw so much of his thoughtfulness, with acts of kindness and generosity so sweet, that had no purpose other than to please me and bring me joy.  I grew in my love for him as I broke down in despair that we would never make it, and he embraced me, held my face in his hands, wiped away the dust and the tears and whispered encouragement to me. I felt his strength as he carried me when my own was gone. I felt his comfort as I told him how scared I was during the thunderstorm and we huddled together in the cave. I saw that he was so long suffering as I continually complained about the bugs, heat, cold, rain, quality of food, how tired I was, and he still wanted my company just the same. I learnt about his character, his likes, dislikes over the many many hours of walking and chatting, and I saw first hand what a good listener and friend he was, as he asked questions, offered advice, welled up with tears as I shared my heart with him and I loved as he shared his. And when we finally made it to the mountain peak, oh the joy we couldn't contain, as we looked back on how far we had come together and the beauty of the view we now beheld.  

A Changed Heart

I understood what it meant to forgive deep hurt, when my own failures were highlighted and yet I was forgiven. I grew in my trust for him as he pointed out things in my heart I had been blind to. I grew in my love for him as he stayed with me during the very lonely dark seasons when I felt abandoned, hopeless and broken. He gave me hope that there was a purpose in the anguish and that it would not last forever even if resolution was on the other side of eternity. I experienced awe and gratitude as I discovered another part of his truth that lit up the dark corners in my heart and that showed his beauty and majesty. I understood more of his grace as I continually failed to listen to his voice in doing my own thing and found myself mindlessly scrolling social media again. He didn't judge, give me the silent treatment, withhold his goodness, guilt trip me, manipulate me into obeying him, he just kept talking to me about the joy of the mountain top and proved his faithfulness in staying by my side and encouraging me to follow his lead next time. I experienced his peace and joy as I understood that I was allowed to love who I was because he did, and not just a little bit, A LOT. I loved him so much more and grew in gratefulness as he gifted me with the ability to articulate his truth well.  I saw his generosity and thoughtfulness first hand when I found a wrought iron garden trellis that fit my space to the centimetre and was beyond what I could have imagined.  I was so so so thankful that he taught me what it was to not put my security and identity in things that would only love me back when I met their expectations. I loved learning that choosing to put to death my own desires and cultivating my desire for him would lead to untold freedom. I could talk for hours and hours about how much I love Jesus because we have hours and hours of history behind us where my heart has been irreversibly shaped by his faithful and steadfast companionship.

I have thousands of personalized reasons why I love Jesus that I can't help but think about him, talk about him, live my life in honour of him. And when inevitably I fail to, it's usually because I've looked at the hopelessness of the never ending upwards trail, the storm clouds brewing, my scratched legs, my empty satchel and hungry tummy, rather than remembering all the reasons why he has already proved his character over and over. All I need to do is look over and I see he is right there as always, face full of joy and compassion, holding my hand, encouraging me, cheering me on, crying with me, comforting me, leading me, guiding me.  I love Jesus not just because I read about him but because I also know him.  I love Jesus, not because he whisked me to the mountain peak, but because he walked with me every step of the way up it.   Even if reaching the summit does not happen this side of eternity, I would not trade a second of the journey with my mountain guide for anything, as those moments with him have become precious beyond measure.

And when finally I stand with two feet firmly planted on the mountain top, I find that he was both the journey and the summit.  To see him face to face and know him fully was really what I had longed for all along, more than anything I thought he could give me.   It was just that with every painful step I took by his side, it actually made the mountain peak so much sweeter than I could possibly have imagined.  Although I learned to love him on the trail, I know that whenever I reach the top, I will find that he is so much better, so much more radiant, beautiful, wonderful, majestic, breathtaking and magnificent than I had been able to see before.  To be standing with the one I love and who loves me will be better than the most vivid panoramic sunset I could imagine, the most picturesque view, the most rugged snowcapped mountains and the starriest sky.  Whatever glory I had hoped to find at the top will be surpassed infinitely by his un-surpassing beauty. And all the glimpses of his character that I came to love, I will see all at once, in full; and the bliss of that joyful moment will never tarnish or fade, but will only ever grow stronger and brighter for all eternity long.

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